my daily reflections…

id be straight story tellin ya if i told ya my tolerance for a belligerent drunk is so great that i dont get upset. thankfully for me i dont have to deal with someone who is shit faced very often. but dealin with one who is sober and wants to get recovery is different. its hard for me to say that someone who displays their spiritual malady as much as i did when i came into the rooms bothers me. i remember workin the steps and learnin so much about myself. it wasnt until i did my personal inventory and shared it with my sponsor, that i could see how i had let my self-will ruin much of my life. turnin all that shit over, and even more so, the shit i found in my 8th and 9th steps, helped me to work through overcomin my spiritual malady. humility surely started early in the steps for me, but the true humility and gratitude that i have come to know and continue to work on, came after the 4th step and on through the 9th. havin an understandin of the work it took me to get where i am today, i have empathy for those i work with as they too learn about themselves with the guidance i may provide through my HP. i dont tend to try to argue any point within the big book, i simply explain how i used what i learned from it by identifyin and recognizin the many examples within the text that closely parallel my own experience. i try to emphasize the love i have for myself today by explainin how i had to lay aside my intellectual pride and admit that i alone created the mess of my dirt by doin exactly what i wanted without regard to others around me. how i put material things, money, other people, economic status, employment, over me, sometimes makin them my HP. i try to show them through a story of my life how i let resentments, malevolence, hate, anger, and revenge, harm the ones who loved me most and how recovery taught me what honest, good, intentions, love, and good will, can make somethin ugly, beautiful. i cant be upset with someone who wants to get better, i remember how i failed in my early recovery and learned from that failure. i hope that my lifes story will accurately convey the miracle and hope of my recovery showin another how my spiritual malady was, and still can be if i dont maintain my spiritual condition. love is understandin, and today, i have love to give, whether i receive it in return or not. i have an ability today, because of recovery, to accept other peoples faults as well as their virtues. its hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head, so i try to express the solutions i found through each powerful step. it is eleemosynary service, brotherly love, forgiveness, hope, and faith, in action. 1 day @ a time...