my daily reflections…

readin this mornins daily i cannot help but think back to the days of the self-imposed loneliness i suffered. buildin walls so that i could protect the fragile, not italian made, ego i felt so eager to protect from the outside world. how i rejected forgiveness, hope, love, freedom, and friendship, because i didnt know how to live amongst others. then later how that loneliness kept me from the afore mentioned, needed, emotions, as i tried to reach out after showin my ass to all i came across. as they rejected me, because i had stepped all over their toes, they retaliated in an effort to protect themselves from me. i look back, i remember. i can even recall specific events sometimes. i even remember someone callin me a bully! imagine that, me, A BULLY? recovery, slowly, taught me how to build relationships with others that were fulfillin and sustainin. it showed me the areas i needed to work on within so that the loneliness i put myself through back in the days of doin my dirt would not continue into my days of restructurin my life. it took the help of those who came before me and the courage and strength i gained from my HP to keep a healthy balanced perception of self so that i can build integrity and carry the message. learnin how to love, and even more so, how to like me, took time, but as i have, ive opened myself to the concepts recovery teaches me. with them ive been able to form and build upon meaningful relationships that help me continue to be useful and effective to self and those around me. with a willingness to never cease to recognize my HP in my life, i have a start toward healin with positive affirmations of self. my capacity for change and to evolve in my life is the key to hope for myself and others. when i am responsible, and not fainéant, i get to be the hand that reaches out when others need the help i needed when i came into the rooms. and even when those old emotions and feelins come to me today, makin me feel like i need to close up again, i get to feel confident of His, and those within this thing we do, readiness to give me the power that i need so i can share my story with honesty, forgiveness, empathy, hope, and love. 1 day @ a time...