Sunday-December-6th-2020
Wanting Love and being denied is a rejection so strong and painful that the topic should be Romance and relapse.
I hate being alone. Tired of being alone. I crave nothing more then a relationship and
Yet dad after day there is no one there. No one who can wrap me in their arms and tell me they Love me. And so I continually have turned to drugs and alcohol. I don’t have have Hope Left that hope kinda flew out the window last night. Im not sure why the standards are set so High because with out the love with out the drugs I feel incomplete I feel helpless and clueless on to what im suppose to do. I get bored, I have no ambition, no meaning. Some days I want my family back but then again with out a husband or lover I don’t think I do want my kids back. WHY? Because I’ve spent 15 years being a mother with out a father/husband) and it use to make me so angry that I would abuse alcohol and drugs and those relationships weren’t healthy.
I was unhappy with my life and in return my kids had to suffer with a unhappy mother.
But now after all these years how do I go with out? Just quit. Easier said then done. It doesn’t stop the cravings it doesn’t stop the fact that I want a Loving relationship
It doesn’t stop me from using some days.
Im still angry im still depressed. Im still alone. just for today I would love to be able to be loved. Accepted. And alone in my thoughts. I would like family and friends. And the right to self medicate without judgment. but since that won’t happen I will probably just try to sleep the days away.
I am Not Worth it. I am Not someone you should love. Im not someone who will be remembered for anything and I sure the hell don’t want to be someone that “God” uses either.
Author
Dorothy427